Forget about the Sunshine When It's Gone

I've started to fall into a bit of a mood.

One of my old moods, I am OH so familiar with. And I don't want it. One of my goals of the New Year is to cure my depression without use of medications (which means no psychiatrist because the first thing she did was say I needed meds.)
I was doing so well, but I guess someone can't be happy-go-lucky for so long.

I sometimes get bored of music and just listen to it out of habit. But whenever I am in one of these moods I forget how much music makes me feel better.

Valencia's Where Did You Go? is one of my favorites. I listened to it for like 100 times in a row, and then just stopped listening to it. I found it again on my iPod and I forgot how much the lyrics spoke to me.
The most inspiring line...

And if I hold myself with pride and accept the pain
Life will take me through the changes
Because I have so much left to see.

I try to remind myself that daily. That though life may suck at the moment, it's still changing and there are so many more experiences that are left for me to know.
At least I try.

I also love the All-American Rejects Bonus track on their new CD. It's called Sunshine.


It's so beautiful, the violins are like... to die for, and it makes me feel warm inside. I love tuning out the world on my walks and listening to it. It makes me want to smile and dance.

Today is gone
Yet I'm the only light that you see
You need someone
I know all you needed was me

Everyday we wait
If it takes too long
Just tell me something new
Forget about the sunshine when it's gone
You can say it's right but if feels so wrong
Show me something true
Forget about the sunshine
Forget about the sunshine when it's gone

I try to remind myself of the things I am so lucky in life to have.
My birds, for one, I know love me. How I have parents that love me, and although they can't give me everything in the world... really... all I need is love.

Love... now that is a fickle subject.
Earlier I was telling myself how much I hate it... how artificial and fake it is. Until I experience love... like the unrelated familial love... you know... true love. Until then, I don't believe it exists.
Like... I haven't had a boyfriend in about four years now.
My mom was so worried she offered to get my brother to set me up?! How ridiculous is that?!
Urg.
So love... in my mind, you do not exist.
So Fuck You.