The Ultimate Quest - Love

Apologies for not writing anything this past week. Exams have been the life draining force that is totally kicking my ass and causing me to question if life is really worth this pain.

But it's a Friday night and my mind has been working in overdrive. About school, how I want to be on the school newspaper, and just life in general.

And especially love.

I don't understand how it happens. Or when.

But really... what the fuck how?

I spend a lot of time creeping on people as I walk around, well not physically creeping, but I do enjoy the occasional people watch and I see so many happy couples grappling each other hand in hand, arm in arm, sometimes face in face. And all my romantic heart can do is be like "For fucks sake, WHY NOT ME?!"

A lot of people tell me I need to go out and just meet people. Well, unfortunately I am quite shy and am not good at going up to random strangers and saying something along the lines of "Hey, you're hot. Can you be my boyfriend and can we fall in love with each other and live happily ever after?" Yeah... sorry friends, it doesn't quite work that way. For me, at least!

And yeah I tried the online dating thing. Tried that plentyoffish.com only to find that I am not physically attracted to anyone. Is it wrong to not be physically attracted to someone, and thus ax them off?

I feel very shallow saying it, but really.. I don't have very high standards, but I definitely have a 'type' and well... physical attraction is important... which is probably why I am single to begin with.

I can't attract anyone worth shit! I need like a big neon sign that says 'I'm single... LOVE ME!' But even then...

I've also tried Craigslist and I've met some pretty sweet people on there. Some I actually felt attracted to... until they tried desperately to get me to cyber with them. Others, we get along great in text, but when/how do we make that next step to actually meeting each other off the internet world? Seems scary. I'm getting the chills just thinking about it.

I'm great at meeting people online. But really... offline? I'm so shy and timid, I can't let down my barrier right away and I often come off as 'frigid bitch of doom' because of my shyness. But online, I let my personality shine and when I click with someone I really click.

So what can a sad soul like me do when she so desperately wants to fall in love?

Well to be continued, my friends, to be continued...